Sorry we went dark. Boss wound up in a jail in 1950s Peru and we haven’t been paid in months so, you know the deal. No cerveza, no trabajo.
Anyway, listicles; the the only things that matter online now. Here’s one as promised:
10 Ways Dog Poop Lands Inexplicably in Your Backyard and You Don’t Even Have Pets
10 – Trebuchet:
Sometimes a wise-acre across town puts dog poop in your backyard via medieval military ordinance.
9 – Magical Wish Fulfillment:
Sometimes you forget about wish #2.
8 – Climate Change:
Sometimes mystery poop, because Al Gore.
7 – Dirigible:
Sometimes, it gets there by Executive Order (protip: drones are a red herring).
7 – Van Der Beek:
It got there via James Van Der Beek.
6 – Renegade Botany
Flowers put poop in your yard. Your move, Bonebag.
5 – Archons:
Custodians of this realm; diabolical architects of the Grand Illusion. A lot of the time, these are your shit placers.
4 – MS-13:
The Mystery Schools have left you an enigmatic puzzle. You have been blessed.
3 – The Fourth Dimension:
CERN fuckery yields it’s share of unwanted by-products. Deal with it, Science Fans.
2 – Bros:
Some chill dudebros came over and pounded a couple cases by the pool. They left you some poops.
1 – You:
Plot twist, Dog. You put the poops there! It was you!
Listicles, that’s why.