10 Ways Dog Poop Lands Inexplicably in Your Backyard and You Don’t Even Have Pets

Sorry we went dark. Boss wound up in a jail in 1950s Peru and we haven’t been paid in months so, you know the deal. No cerveza, no trabajo.

Anyway, listicles; the the only things that matter online now. Here’s one as promised:

10 Ways Dog Poop Lands Inexplicably in Your Backyard and You Don’t Even Have Pets

dung catapult

10 – Trebuchet:

Sometimes a wise-acre across town puts dog poop in your backyard via medieval military ordinance.

You rang?

9 – Magical Wish Fulfillment:

Sometimes you forget about wish #2.

Suck it, Al Gore

8 – Climate Change:

Sometimes mystery poop, because Al Gore.

NSA all up in your booty

7 – Dirigible:

Sometimes, it gets there by Executive Order (protip: drones are a red herring).

A little emotional-just booked Dancing with the Stars!

7 – Van Der Beek:

It got there via James Van Der Beek.


6 – Renegade Botany

Flowers put poop in your yard. Your move, Bonebag.


5 – Archons:

Custodians of this realm; diabolical architects of the Grand Illusion. A lot of the time, these are your shit placers.


4 – MS-13:

The Mystery Schools have left you an enigmatic puzzle. You have been blessed.

Previously, on Fringe...

3 – The Fourth Dimension:

CERN fuckery yields it’s share of unwanted by-products. Deal with it, Science Fans.

Repping that SPF13 clicka

2 – Bros:

Some chill dudebros came over and pounded a couple cases by the pool. They left you some poops.

Vat a Tveest!

1 – You:

Plot twist, Dog. You put the poops there! It was you!

(But how?!)

Listicles, that’s why.

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